The Perfect Illusion Read online

  “I won’t kiss you if you don’t want me to,” he says. “But I’m just saying … you might actually enjoy it.”

  “I doubt that.”

  “Hell bent on convincing yourself you still hate me?” he asks.

  “I don’t hate you, Hudson.”

  “I know you don’t. But you wish you did,” he says.

  “You’re right.” I can’t argue with him. He hit the nail on the head. Rolling to my back, I pull the covers up and sink into the pillow, staring at the ceiling and the crooked ceiling fan that wobbles with each spin. “You’re absolutely right.”

  Chapter 14

  Hudson

  “New girl, what’s your name again?” I ask the mousey brunette seated at Mari’s old desk Monday morning. The temp agency sent her after I requested their best. This has to be some kind of fucking joke. The girl’s shaking like a leaf, sitting with her arms clenched at her sides like she’s afraid to touch anything.

  “Shoshannah,” she says, her voice as meek as that pathetic aura she’s giving off. A few months working with me and she’ll find her spine, I’m sure of it.

  “All right, Savannah, I like my coffee by eight fifteen, and when my office door is closed, that means you are to pretend I don’t exist.” I grab a stack of mail off the corner of her desk. “If you need anything, ask one of the girls down the hall.”

  “Sure. Yes. Okay,” she says, nodding quickly. “And it’s Shoshannah.”

  “That’s what I said.” I turn and head to my office, trying not to chuckle. Breaking in the new ones never fails to amuse me.

  Once in my office, I fire up my computer and pull up my CAD program. I’ve got a backlog of projects, but I promised Abel I’d whip him up the backyard shed of his dreams, so that’s what I’m going to do.

  I’m working on the gable roof when my phone rings.

  “Yes, Savannah?” I answer.

  “I-it’s Sh-shoshannah,” she corrects me again, stumbling over her words. I must terrify her already. “You have a call on line two.”

  “Who is it?” I ask, frowning.

  “I-I didn’t ask. I’m sorry.”

  “Always ask, Savannah.” I hang up and press line two. “This is Hudson.”

  “Are you being nice?” a woman’s voice comes through from the other end.

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “You said the new girl was starting today. I’m just calling to make sure you’re being nice.”

  “Hi, Mari.” I smirk. Smart ass. “Did you need something or were you calling to impart your sage advice?”

  “The world is already full of assholes. Why be one more?”

  “I don’t have time to rehash a stale conversation.”

  “I just remember how my first day was,” she says with a hopeless sigh. “God, you were an ass. And I love that I can tell you that now. Don’t think for one second I’ll ever let you live it down.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  “What’s the new girl’s name?” she asks.

  “Shoshanna.”

  “Is that her name or is that just what you’re calling her?”

  I chuff. “Don’t you have something else to tend to? I don’t have time for … pointless chit chat.”

  “Actually, no. I have nothing to do because you keep me holed up in your tower like some princess, some canary in a gilded cage,” she says.

  “Do you know how many women would kill to be a canary in my cage?”

  “I’m sure there’s a plethora of women, Hudson. I’m sure they’re lined up the block and around the corner,” she says. “But being a kept woman isn’t my thing, and I’m bored out of my freaking mind here.”

  “Take a pottery class. My treat.”

  “Pottery?”

  “Yoga?”

  “Nah,” she says. “I’m not that flexible.”

  “That’s a shame. Go get your nails done. Go shopping. Catch a show on Broadway. My treat. Just … find something to do,” I say, sighing as I click my mouse.

  “Fine. I’ll take Isabelle out for lunch,” she says. “What are you working on? I can hear you clicking around.”

  “Your father’s tool shed.”

  “No shit?” She laughs.

  “Goodbye, Mari. I’ll see you this evening.” Hanging up, I shake my head, finding myself fighting off the amusement tickling my ribs. This woman makes me smile. And laugh. And I don’t quite know how I feel about it yet.

  I wasn’t expecting to enjoy her company to this extent.

  I wasn’t expecting to enjoy my time in Orchard Hill, Nebraska or to sleep like a baby in that tiny double bed, my body pressed against hers.

  And I sure as hell wasn’t expecting to miss her (and her smart mouth) when she’s not around.

  My phone buzzes on the corner of my desk.

  SIENNA: Back from Paris! Going to be in town this wknd. Want to hook up?

  ME: Busy. Sorry.

  SIENNA: Seriously?

  SIENNA: …

  SIENNA: Hudson?

  SIENNA: Whatever. Your loss.

  SIENNA: You’re lucky you have a big dick. That’s the only remotely likeable quality about you. Asshole.

  A month ago I would have jumped at the chance to have a night with Sienna. Out of all the girls whose numbers fill my phone, she was always my number one. I would rearrange my entire schedule for an evening with the woman whose sexual stamina nearly outrivaled mine.

  But times have changed.

  I’m a taken man now … if only for the next few months.

  I wait for Sienna to calm down and quit blowing up my phone, and then I power it down. A morning full of interruptions is no way to start a productive Monday, and I’ve got way too much shit to take care of.

  Finishing up Abel’s shed, I save the file and email the blueprints to the address Abel scribbled down for me on a scrap of paper last weekend.

  I haven’t told Mari yet, but Abel pulled me aside before we left and made me promise never to hurt her.

  I gave him my word.

  Chapter 15

  Mari

  “Where’s Marta?” Hudson removes his jacket as soon as he walks in the door tonight, draping it over his left arm as he makes his way to the kitchen.

  “I gave her the night off.” I stir the veggies I’m sautéing. “Thought I’d make us dinner.”

  “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “This is what couples do. They cook for each other. This is all in the name of practice and authenticity.”

  His hands graze my sides, but only for a passing moment. If I didn’t know better, I’d think he wanted to kiss me.

  But he knows how I feel about that.

  “Why don’t you get comfortable and meet me in the dining room?” I ask, plating the food.

  Candles are lit, music is playing, places are set, and the curtains are pulled to reveal a glowing, twilight city view.

  This is about as romantic as it’s ever going to get for us, but I’ll take it.

  A minute later, I meet him with the food, taking my seat to his right.

  “I never knew you could cook,” he says, reaching for his fork. I’ve poured him a glass of wine already, filling my glass with water. I figured if I did it ahead of time, it would save him from pointing out once again that I’m not drinking. “It smells wonderful.”

  “Thank you.” I scoot closer, watching as he takes his first bite, then his second.

  I never knew I could cook either, but with all this extra time on my hands, I was able to scour YouTube in search of some decent cooking videos, head to the organic grocery store on the corner, and head back in time to fix dinner before he got home.

  “We’re leaving for Montauk in a few days,” he says a few minutes later.

  “I thought we weren’t going until the end of the month?”

  “My mother called and wanted to move everything up. Apparently she’s in full planning mode for our engagement party and there’s a little beach club with a party room avai
lable this Saturday.”

  “That’s nice of her to throw us a party.” I fork a small broccoli spear. “She doesn’t have to do that.”

  “Helena Rutherford will use any excuse she can find to throw a party. She lives for this.”

  “Do you always call your mother by her full name?” I chuckle.

  He pauses. “Now that you mention it, I do tend to do that, don’t I?”

  I nod.

  “I guess, growing up, she was never really just … Mother … she was always this larger-than-life commanding presence,” he says. “She was simply … Helena Rutherford.”

  “Or maybe calling her by her full name helped you to detach?” I shrug. “I’m sure part of you felt abandoned by her growing up.”

  “Anyway.” He takes another bite before reaching for his wine glass and taking two swigs.

  “So tell me about Montauk,” I say. “Who’s going to be there? What are we going to do? What’s the house like? What can I expect?”

  “My parents will be there, of course,” he says. “And the Sheffields. Some aunts and uncles will drop in certain weekends. Maybe some cousins. Neighbor friends. There are constantly people coming and going. You’ll never be bored. The house is a work of art that’s been in the family for generations. You won’t be disappointed.”

  “What do you do for fun there?”

  “There are beaches. Magnificent restaurants. We sail. Water-ski. Listen to live music. Host cook-outs. Go yachting. Parasailing. Horseback riding. Hold bonfires. You can do anything your little heart desires, Mari.”

  “How long are we staying, again?”

  “Four weeks, give or take.” He takes another sip before glancing out the window toward the city. The lack of sunshine casts dark shadows on the buildings, and street lights begin to flicker and glow. “It’ll go by quickly though. It always does.”

  After we finish dinner, we take our dishes to the kitchen, and he places his next to the sink before walking off. I flick the water on and grab a bottle of dish soap from a lower cabinet, filling the stainless steel basin with soapy water.

  “What are you doing?” he asks.

  I lift a brow. “Cleaning up.”

  “Marta can handle it in the morning.” He waves his hand, walking away, and without thinking, I reach for the sprayer nozzle and douse his back.

  Hudson startles when the cold water hits him, spinning on his heel and barreling toward me.

  “Oh, yeah? You want to play games?” he says, laughing and wrangling the sprayer out of my hands. Turning it toward me, he soaks my white blouse until very little is left to the imagination.

  “What was that for?” I pretend to be pissed, but I’m actually digging this playful side of him.

  “I was just getting you back.”

  “I sprayed you because you were acting like a spoiled brat.” I glance at the water still streaming from the tap and then quickly cup my hands, filling them. Tossing a handful of warm water at his face, he ducks and it lands with a slick plop all over the marble tile floor.

  Hudson does the same, only when I try to duck, I slip and fall on my ass, landing in a small puddle. He falls to his knees, coming toward me.

  I’m giggling, breathless, completely in the moment as he gets closer, reaching his hands up my outer thighs and pulling me toward him. My hair sticks to my face and my shirt clings to my skin. I want to rip it off, I want to go change, but I also want to stay here. Right here. With him.

  He’s laughing. I’m laughing.

  And before I know it, he’s hovering over top of me. Our stares lock. Our smiles fade. I close my eyes only for a moment, and then I feel the rushed heat of his lips crushing mine, the slick of his velvet tongue, the unapologetic hardness between his hips as he grinds against me.

  My hands reach for his face, sliding past his chiseled jaw and hooking at the nape of his neck, fingers tracing his drenched, dark hair.

  I let him kiss me.

  I don’t ask him to stop.

  I go with it, knowing full well it’s probably not going to end well when this is all said and done, but it feels too good to quit.

  His hips press harder against mine, the graze of his cock sending shivers through my body.

  Hudson’s hand tugs at the hem of my top, pulling it up until my damp skin is exposed to the cool air. My stomach caves at his touch, and a rush of blood floods my senses as his fingers travel higher, slipping beneath my bra.

  His palm glides over my hardened buds, my chest rising and falling in quick succession.

  I can’t breathe.

  And I kind of love it …

  He kisses me again, harder this time, and his free hand snakes down my right thigh, pulling it closer against his side as he grinds into me.

  A rogue moan escapes my lips, my body and mind succumbing to this experience, my heart just along for the ride.

  I want to tell myself that I can do this.

  I’ve done one-night stands before.

  I’ve had no-strings sex.

  I’ve sought physical pleasure for the sake of a decent orgasm or two without so much as a second thought.

  It’s not a foreign concept to me.

  Hudson sits back, his eyes poring over me before he rises to his feet. Leaning down, he helps me up. My body shakes and shivers. It’s cold without his touch to keep me warm.

  “Hudson, what are we—”

  “Shh …” He pulls me against him, his hands circling my waist as he kisses me again. His lips are soft, but his kisses are greedy, powerful.

  Tugging my shirt over my head, he trails his fingers down my collarbone before pressing a kiss into my damp skin. Pulling the satin straps of my bra down my shoulders, he then unclasps the back, letting it fall to the floor and leaving me completely exposed.

  “God, you’re beautiful, Mari,” he says, cupping the round fullness of my swollen breasts in his generous hands. It feels good to be touched like this, to be wanted and craved. Desired. “You have no fucking idea how badly I want you.”

  I bite my bottom lip to stifle a smile.

  “This is coming from the man who, just a few weeks ago, berated me in front of an entire conference room of co-workers for getting his coffee order wrong,” I say, voice soft.

  “You did it on purpose.”

  “I know.”

  He squeezes my ass, pulling me closer before lifting me against him. My legs slide around his hips, grazing his hardness once more and sending a feverish gallop to my heart.

  I know what comes next.

  It would take an ungodly amount of self-restraint to put a stop to all of this, and unfortunately I’m only human.

  I’m a horny, pregnant human.

  Hudson carries me down the hall, to his suite, and deposits me in the center of his bed before yanking at his belt and unzipping his fly. He watches me as he works each button of his starched white shirt before pulling it off his shoulders. Sitting up, I reach for his waistband, tugging until his cock is free and his slacks fall at his feet.

  The city lights shine through his naked windows, painting our bodies in shades of yellows and ambers.

  Reaching for his stomach, my anxious fingers trace each ripple of his muscled wall.

  We’re doing this.

  “Is this weird for you?” I ask as he drops to his knees and works my leggings down my thighs.

  “Not at all,” he says. “You?”

  “Yeah.”

  He stops, glancing up at me with a wicked glint in his blue irises. “You want me to stop?”

  “Nope,” I say, lying on my back.

  He peels my leggings away, tossing them aside before going for my lace thong, and the second he has me naked in his bed, all bets are off.

  Spreading my thighs, he lowers his mouth to my mound, tracing his tongue through my delicate folds, swirling, licking, and sucking until my body shudders and I find myself forgetting how to breathe.

  Reaching between my thighs, I run my fingers through his hair, tugging at his t
hick mane as I ride his tongue.

  Hudson’s arms hook around my legs, and his hand snakes up my belly, stopping at my swollen breasts.

  “If you …” I sigh. “If you keep doing this … I’m going to … I’m getting close …”

  He stops.

  Just like that.

  My pussy aches, throbbing for his touch, silently begging for him to put out the fire he so greedily started.

  Moving to his nightstand, he pulls a gold foil packet from the top drawer, placing it between his teeth and ripping it open. Sheathing his cock, he comes back to me.

  Positioning himself between my legs, he drags the tip of his cock against my slick seam. Back and forth, slow and tortuous. I suck in a breath, harboring it in anticipation, and without warning, he guides every inch of his thick cock inside me, pressing himself all the way in and leaving no part of me untouched.

  Pushing himself over me, his lower body moves with an insatiable rhythm, taking from me everything he can and giving to me everything he’s got. My fingers dig into his lower back, clenching at his muscled body with each insertion.

  Hudson kisses me again, claiming my mouth for his own.

  “God, you feel so good,” he moans, grazing his lips on mine and breathing us in.

  Without warning, Hudson pulls out, rising on his knees before guiding me to my stomach. With his hands on my hips, he pulls my ass toward him, propping me up before aligning himself.

  Dragging his cock against my seam, he presses himself in with one hard thrust, and I clench a fistful of his thousand-thread count sheets.

  He fucks me from behind, his thrusts animalistic and demanding, and I’m grateful. I’m grateful because for a moment there, the sex was sweet and tender and passionate.

  And I just can’t …

  Not with him.

  Not now.

  Not under these circumstances.

  Steadying myself, I fuck him back, thrust for thrust, all but giving my body to him on a shiny silver platter. That’s all he wants anyway. It’s not my heart he’s after.